Eli's Hair....

My son Eli is well know for his beautiful long curly locks of hair, but lately its been getting out of control!

For a while now we've been talking about having it cut and have had a few failed attempts (and screaming fits) at the hairdressers. Finally a friend of mine suggested that I try her mobile hair dresser and the plan was for her to come to mine. After clashing schedules it turned out that we would go to her, so off we went.

When we arrived I was not surprised that Eli was having none of it. We chased him, we tried to bribe him, and after nearly giving up my friend Claire just calmly picked him up walked over to the chair, sat down and put some game on her phone and we were good to go.

This hair dresser has a lot of experience with troublesome kids and just got down to work and cut a fair bit of his hair.
She gave me some of his curls as I almost cried watching his beautiful curls go.

I knew it was the right thing to do as it was annoying him and he gets mistaken for a girl a lot, which is not a problem now but he starts pre school in January and its not about him being teased.

Once we agreed on a manageable length she finished, in a view for us to go back another time and finish off, as we want it much shorter but didn't want to push our luck all at once. It really was very long.

I found this experience hard as Eli's hair is part of his personality and its hard when you realise your baby isn't a baby anymore. My little boy is growing up. We never had this with Jacob. Eli seemed to progress and grow so quickly that I think his hair for me was the last thing I could keep babyish.

I will do an update once its finished.

Did any of your children's milestones affect you more than you thought?

H xxx

Get A Life!

I have always thought it was very important for children to socialize, But each child is different. I've never been a mom who holes herself away from civilization, don't get me wrong I love a good staying in day! Duvets and dvds at the ready, or a total arts and crafts mash up, or just a day of books and toys, I like to mix it up. But I think its so important to get out there and get these kids seeing the world.

Just a trip to the shops or a walk to your local park (weather allowing) is such a good way of starting your child's learning journey.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a talker. I could win awards, but this really comes in handy with the kids. Walking around I have no issues constantly talking to my kids, for example "look Eli, fire engine! What noise does a fire engine make?" Then we giggle as we "nee naw" down the street. Is just so important to constantly be challenging them and helping them to absorb all that free learning we have out there!

If you had asked me when I had only Jacob I would have told you, I do not like baby groups & stay and plays. My experience of them was not good. As previously explained, Jacob was a poorly baby was quite a bit restricted in his development. So whenever I would go to these groups I would find them just a platform for women to compete their children against each other and I don't have that in me. I remember one woman telling me she would feel like a failure if she had a child like Jacob, I can't repeat what I said to her. But it was a shame because Jacob couldn't get the full extent of what these groups are trying to achieve, developmental tools for your children and socializing for you both.

Being a mom can be isolating especially if you're a stay at home mom, so it important to get yourself out there. So as hard as it was when Jacob was 2 and a half I took him off to a little pre school where he did 2 afternoons (4 hours a week) and it was just enough for him to gain social skills and for us both to get used to being apart before he started proper nursery.

I have had a totally different experience with Eli. As soon as I knew he wasn't poorly I got him involved in all sorts. Whilst Jacob was at his pre school sessions I would take Eli to baby massage classes, baby sensory, swimming and baby group. It was nice to not have the same criticisms that were given to Jacob but if I'm honest it just made me feel worse for him. Eli loves being around other kids and generally other people, so any chance I get, we get out. When Jacob was little I would take us on all sort of adventures and we go on the buses and the trains and just generally explore! Same with Eli and they're both very social little boys.

Since Jacob has been at school Eli has been attending Little Brigids, which is a stay and play at Jacobs school, St Brigids Catholic Primary School. It's a lovely mix of kids but its also a lovely mix of women so us moms can have a natter too. Run by 2 lovely women its a mixture of toys and crafts then we all clear away and have toast and juice for kiddies and us moms get tea and biscuits. It's such a good Idea and a couple of hours for the kids to run themselves ragged!

Obviously I have Hope now aswell and she has been welcomed by all the moms and I can't wait for her to be running around the place!

Stay and plays are a real good way of getting you and your children out and experiencing things. I know from experience they're not for everyone but I urge you to try. You won't believe what your little one will get from it!

Do you go to any groups? What has been your experience?

H xxx

Girls Who Like Boys.....

I grew up in a house with mostly women. After my parents split it was my mom, my sister, me and my little brother for a long time. So I guess it is no surprise that I wanted boys.

Living in a house then with my husband, me and 2 sons was a welcomed change to how I grew up, when I found I was having Hope I was excited to inject a bit of girly energy into our home.

I absolutely loved buying and finding nice things for my boys plus it helped when we had Eli that we had quite a bit of stuff left over from Jacob as he was very small and had a large amount of clothes that once he was big enough to wear it the season had changed. Though because I am a middle child and I knew Eli would be I made sure he was still bought plenty of new. I have always liked boys toys aswell as I find them a lot more adventurous as the majority of girls toys tend to focus on being a housewife and mother, which obviously I am but I want my little girl to explore all her options.... Don't get me wrong she'll have all that, but I will have so much fun looking for unusual things too!

Obviously having a girl I had to start from scratch, but you know what I love it. Just like the boys I can get totally carried away buying clothes and things for her, I think Christmas is going to be pure chaos with 3 children, there be no room to walk after Santa has been!

Here are some pics of some of Hopes things, old and new.

It's not all about pink for me but its kind of unavoidable with a girl! And I can't lie I have loved it!

So that's some of Hope's bits and pieces, I'll be doing a post about the boys soon... That is going to take some time! I have to admit I love having both sexes, its a nice blend and I can't help but think my family is perfectly complete now. So much love.

What's your family made up of? Are you an outnumbered mom or dad? Or a boat load of boys/girls? Or do you just have the one little prince/princess?

H xxx

P.S If you want to know where anything is from please let me know xx

Post Pregnancy ....

Now before anyone starts, do not get me wrong I am incredibly grateful to be a mother. I have never wanted anything more and feel blessed for every slight imperfection I have due to pregnancy I just wanted to document just how much things have changed for me since becoming a mom....

Weight....

I wasn't skinny before I had kids but I would describe myself as slim. I never went above 10 and half stone or above a size 12, I know this isn't slim to some people but quite frankly I don't concern myself with people like that. I had a flat stomach, a decent chest and a booty. Which I have always loved having. I moaned constantly about my weight which would fluctuate anything between 9 stone and 10 and a half. At my booking for Jacob I weighed 10 stone 8lb, and after having Hope I weighed an almighty 14 stone. So what happened? Pregnancy happened and that age old, well I'm pregnant, I want it so its fine. Actually its not fine. I never realised but your body only needs an extra 500 calories above the recommended daily allowance for a woman. That's depressing, don't get me wrong if you're chucking your guts up left right and centre and the only thing you can face is a jam doughnut, then I say go for it, but were all guilty of having a little extra when were expecting. Now you have some women who hardly gain a pound when pregnant and these are no shockers when they come trotting into the playground in their size 8s with a day old baby, then you have the absolute freaks of nature, the jammy gits who gain a shed load of weight during pregnancy, you have personally seen them consume the entire McDonald's menu, but as soon as that baby is out about a month after there is no visible evidence they were ever pregnant! And then there is me. I gain weight so easily. Especially when pregnant and my goodness does it take some work to get it off! After Jacob I lost a bit of it and then put it all (and then some) back on, saying no point as I'm going to have more kids... After Eli I lost a lot of weight then used the age old excuse "more babies", air quotes all over that one. Then there was Hope, in every sense of the word. She made a lot of decisions easy for me. One, that I was not going to have anymore children and two, I cannot remain this heavy. So once I had her and I had had all the relevant checks and all clears I decided it was time for a change. I am 30 in march and I wanted desperately to get back to my "pre kids weight" I also had a mini goal of getting at least 2 stone off to get into a dress I want to wear to a party in November. So I trotted off and joined weight watchers when Hope was about 11 weeks old and got my gym membership back up and running. Through sheer determination I am already close to that 2 stone mark and the dress not only fits but is big in places. Something is different this time. It's like a switch has flipped.

Stretchmarks
Beauties aren't they? Now if you're one of those lucky one that don't have any then I really don't wanna hear it! All joking aside stretchmarks have never bothered me, I had them before my kids so I gained a few extras when pregnant, they remind me daily what I have done and that I'm a mother to 3 gorgeous kids. I do know though that stretchmarks can really affect a woman's confidence, and no matter how I personally feel about them of never insult a woman who had issues with them by telling her she's being silly. We ALL have our hang ups.

Hair &Skin
I am lucky in the skin department, never really suffered with spots, get the odd belter deserving of its own post code but not regular spots. I do however have eczema and it is always worse during and just after pregnancy. The main thing being just how sore it gets. I get cracked and even bleeding palms and my scalp is often affected too. My Hair is thick and long naturally, and during pregnancy like most women I retain it and it is often thick and lustrous. After pregnancy is another case entirely. After Eli was born when he hit about 16 weeks my hair began to fall out, to the point where it halved in thickness, I'd get terrible knotty lugs and it was a nightmare to brush. It grew back leaving me with lots.of short hair which has grown a lot since. Now since having Hope, guess what? Bang on 16 weeks and it started again. I'm going through the same process now as back then except my hair is much longer this time.... Nightmare hair.

Time

What is that you say? Yes you are right. We don't have it anymore, but I don't want it, just another chance to get bored and I can safely say I am never bored anymore!

Feelings
I suffered post natal reactive depression after Jacob which I think was totally understandable but after Eli and Hope I have been left with an elated sense of achievement. I can look upon it all now, even the times with Jacob and feel so happy about everything that has happened. I'm mega proud of my family. Another type of feeling is the feeling sexy part, let's be honest girls, we all feel a bit rubbish sometimes, and I am no exception. I don't feel attractive a lot of the time and I think if it weren't for Ant constantly reassuring me, I wouldn't be feeling as good as I do. Speaking to friends about how their partners have made them feel about their bodies since they've had kids makes me realise how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me no matter what, and that's his most attractive quality. How ability to bring out the best in people.

Amongst all this there is the lack of sleep, the aches and pains from pregnancy injuries, lack of time for, well anything, and much much more. But you know what I still stand by my statement, we get far more from kids than they ever get from us. How ever soul destroying you look in those leggings, or whether your face looks like a dot to dot or you're so tired you feel like saying sod it and pulling the covers back over your head, just take a look at that face or faces as my case is, and none of it matters. At that moment you couldn't care less. That's unconditional love in its purest form, and if I could bottle and sell it, I'd be a billionaire....

Much Love

H xxx

P.S What post pregnancy hang ups do you have?

Liebster Awards 2013

Ok so I have been at this a few days now and was shocked to find I had been nominated for a Liebster Award by @meandmymunchie from her blog lifewithmunchers.com its basically a chance for new Bloggers to spread the word about their blog to all in the Blogging community. What a fantastic idea!

I have been given 11 questions to answer and in turn I will pick 11 Bloggers with less than 200 followers to then ask 11 questions of my own! Fabulous ay? Here goes...

1 – What is your blog about?

My blog is about me and my family, and day to day life and events that happen to us.

2 – Where do you like to do your blogging?

Honestly? In bed. Tis the only time I have when I can truly think.

3 – What is your favourite City you have visited and why?

Not really a city? But an island. Zante. The memories that place holds for me are some of my fondest. A lot of firsts went on there.

4 – What would be your ultimate blogging achievement?

Sorry for the Chris Maloney sized cheese here but I would love to make a difference in some way. I believe everything I have been through has made me who I am today but I do remember points of feeling completely overwhelmed and alone as though I was the only person who was experiencing it. If someone could feel better for knowing I'd been there, well that would mean everything to me.

5 – What are you passionate about in life?

My family first and foremost. My husband and kids trump everyone and everything. Their happiness is mine. I love to cook and I wish I had more time for it.

6 – Coffee or tea?

Coffee all the way. Though I love a cuppa at the Nans like.

7 – Favourite meal?

I love Mexican food, all of it. But my favourite meal will always be a Sunday dinner.

8 – Desert island disc?

Anything by Chris Brown. His voice is so melifluous. Team breezy baby. Wow, I'm nearly 30, but that is my official political stance on the matter.

9 – If you could be a celebrity, who would you be?

Beyonce. Without a doubt. For a number of reasons, amongst which are the money, the body, the talent and just to feel what its like to have that much energy.

10 – Favourite product of all time?

Ooh tough one. I would love to say anything by Soap & Glory, if I'm totally honest with myself whoever invented the Strawberry & Lily Kiss Comfort made my dreams come true in a bottle.

11 – What’s your biggest fear?

Spiders. Paralyzing fear.

right the fun part I'm going to nominate for the Liebster, I will tweet them as I'm not an efficient link maker yet ha x

Here are my questions....

1. What is your blog about?

2.What inspired you to start a blog?

3. What are your hobbies and interests?

4. What is your favourite band/musician?

5. What are the key values you'd like to instill in your children?

6. Coke or Pepsi?

7. Did you pick both sex names for your kid(s)? If so what would they have been called if they were the other?

8. Where is a place you haven't been but would love to?

9. If you could have been born in any other country, which would it be?

10. X Factor or Strictly?

11. If you won the Euro's what would be the first thing you would do?

Thanks for reading, its been fun x

H xxx

Miscarriage.... Let's Talk About It.

Touchy subject this one, but why? I have no idea. Having been through this myself I know its not something I like to talk about, but I have always found it strange how uncomfortable it makes other people feel if you do talk about it.

There a lot of misconceptions about miscarriage. These are usually, and I use that term loosely, by people who haven't been through it. There can be insensitivity and misunderstanding usually by the misinformed.

Miscarriage is incredibly common, with 1 in 7 women suffering a miscarriage in cases where they knew they were pregnant and many more when they weren't aware, According to NHS statistics. This is obviously not accounting for women who don't seek medical advice due to being in an early stage of pregnancy. So with these odds being so high, why is it such a sore subject?

Answer is, its awful. I would have to say personally its one of the worst things I have ever been through. Every time it happened I was constantly reminded by either tv story lines or seeing pregnant women in the supermarket. But I am one of the lucky ones, I have gone on to have children. There are a great deal of women that do not or it hasn't happened for yet and let's be honest we are all reminded of our biological clock.

I unfortunately have had 4 miscarriages. I was very young when I suffered my first miscarriage. I was a little bit further along than the norm and to be honest it was quite a traumatic experience, to the point where the details are hazy I think in avoidance of what actually happened. The next I was 21, me and ant were engaged, baby was not planned but we were happy regardless of the circumstances. I miscarried at 6 weeks. Next I fell pregnant when Jacob was 6 months old but didn't know until I was told by a doctor upon examination. I was miscarrying at the time this was discovered. It was probably the last one that I had before I caught for Hope that was the hardest emotionally.

We were trying for our third baby, we caught very quickly and as explained in a previous post (Hope's post) I knew something was wrong straight away. What really hurt is that we had planned and I honestly just thought all the miscarriages were behind me. I made a decision then that we would have one last go and if it happened again we would stop. After all we had 2 beautiful children and this was my 4th miscarriage. But I clung on to that Hope because my family didn't feel complete yet. In the end I got my beautiful baby. My princess. My Hope.

Miscarriage is an awful and devastating time for a family. The woman grieves in ways that are scarring and lifelong. But do people pay enough attention to the man when this happens? I don't think so. We all know what men are like. They feel like they need to protect what's theirs, I.e their family. Well this is one thing they cannot protect them from, and from speaking to a lot of men in that situation they feel like they have failed in some way. I think its important that as women, and their partners that we make sure they know we are as much there for them as they are for us. I know how hard this is amidst your own grief but remember that saying "a problem shared, is a problem halved" and its so true. The support you gain from eachother is priceless. It killed me to see Antony in that pain, but we dealt with it together.

There is a wealth of support out there for any one affected by miscarriage. For people going through it, for family members hoping to give support, for siblings affected by their parents grief. You are not alone. Talking about it is hard, but a great form of catharsis.

If you are affected by anything like this there are plenty of people to talk to.

The Miscarriage Association ( www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk )is a good place to start with support and information. They have useful information on all stages of miscarriage, support for you and your partner & family, and advice on things like trying again. There is also a the "forget me not meadow" which is a lovely way to leave a message regarding your loss.

There are lots of different people on social media providing support such as on Twitter, lovely couple of ones I have found for example are

@sayinggoodbyeUK

@thepinksnblues

Both accounts have touching personal and relatable stories. It is very true that there is strength in numbers, so the more people you have to support you, the better. Don't suffer alone. 

Please contact me if you want any further information. 

It's definitely one of the hardest things I have been through but I am so lucky I have my family now. 

H xxx

Friday 13th....

I'm not what you would call superstitious, I don't walk under ladders because I'm scared of knocking them not that I will get bad luck, if I break a mirror I'm just mad that I've added to house work. But there is something about this day that makes me feel uneasy.

Now don't get me wrong I know how it sounds but we all have our quirky things. Just happens to me I have a run of bad luck with this day.

Isn't it amazing how one thing affects one person to the next. Are you superstitious? What makes your blood run cold? H xxx

The C Word

Not that one you naughty lot! Though to be honest you drop the Christmas bomb this time of year and folk are just as offended.

Whether you love it or loathe it the countdown is on and with the shops slowly but surely filling their shelves with sparkly packaging and sweet treats is it time or too early to embrace the holiday spirit?

My love for Christmas has been a life long thing only intensified by having children. I love the message of Christmas and whether or not you bring religion into it you can't help but feel the warm and fuzzies when you see Christmas in all its shiny merriment.

I am quite partial to whacking the chrimbo music on while I do the housework, and I love buying an wrapping all the gifts early so that by the time everyone else has started to feel the Christmas love I can enjoy the buzz of it all without the stress.

Christmas, or Mmas (pronounced mutmus) as we call it, in our house is full on. We love to decorate together, I love the baking, the wrapping, the singing all of it! I know some folk don't really like Christmas for many reasons, and for a lot of people it can represent a very sad and lonely time.

Love it or hate it, its coming. Do you love Christmas? What's your favourite thing?

H xxx

Hope - Long Post

3 is the magic number. Well it definitely is for me....

I'm not getting any younger, age old statement that isn't it? With my age creeping away from me and  With our Eli being a walk in the park, on his first birthday me and Antony were making the usually googly eyes at each other you know the type that make you think "aw he's growing so fast" so after a chat and a look into things we decided to try for baby number 3 in the summer.

Same routine applied and after only 1 month I was late. I took a test and it was negative so I just thought you know what, I'm just late. After a week I did the test again as I still hadn't come on, and there it was, a weak little pink line. I was shocked because I'd been having cramps as if I was coming on. But there it was, I was pregnant. Something wasn't right. I was in shocking amounts of pain. So it was no surprise to me that at 6 weeks (on another Friday 13th) I started to bleed. After a trip to out of hours and then A & E we were sent to the EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) where I was given a scan.

It was confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. My heart broke as the screen showed me what I had already suspected. This wasn't the first time for me.

I was given the usual literature and sent home to rest, the nurse advised that if I wanted to get pregnant again I should allow myself one period and then go at it as she put it.

And boy was she right.

I had recently undergone a minor operation and the scar tissue wasn't healing all too well, so I popped to the docs to see if it was infected. The Dr didn't think so but as I don't heal well she said I should have a course of antibiotics. She said "is there any chance you could be pregnant" to which I replied "well we are trying, I'm due on in 2 days" so she asked me to pop to the loo for a sample so we could rule it out. This was a formality, and she did the dip test and left it on the side and carried on jabbering away about my scar etc.

I was sat on the bed swinging my legs like a 2 year old when she looked at the test and said "oh, congratulations, Mrs Sale. You're pregnant"

My head whipped round so fast I almost broke my neck. I said "erm what?" And she laughed and said "come back after your period due date and well make it official."

I was to say the least flabberghasted.

As I walked out of the surgery my phone rang, it was Antony, he wanted to know how my appointment went, to which I blurted out " I'm pregnant" the phone went silent. When spoke he was just as shocked as me, and pleaded with me to keep it quiet til we knew more.

We waited till 6 weeks to have it confirmed. And then we told our parents. They were thrilled. And I started to joke about baby being a little boy called Isaac. We waited till quite a bit later to tell everyone else, it was tough hiding it on the school run.

Soon the morning sickness started, I'd throw up at a moments notice and I just didn't wanna eat. I was diagnosed with severe hyperemesis, but it was explained to me that as I was basically overweight there was nothing to worry about!

Again I was put under consultant care and I was given lots of regular and detailed scans. They were also telling me they thought baby was going to be a big one like Eli.

I had a 16 week scan to check baby's heart, as for the sex she said "I can't tell, but I don't see any dangly bits" so I suppose it wasn't a massive shock that at the 20 week scan it was confirmed that I was indeed having a baby girl. We were delighted. We decided to name her Hope Natalie Kim Sale.

Hope was a completely appropriate name for her as that is exactly what she represented to us. We rushed out to buy lots of pretty pink things for our baby girl. This was different I thought.

I'm not going to lie I wasn't in the best shape, I was in quite a bit of pain daily, I had suffered spinal damage from previous pregnancies. But all I kept thinking was, this is the last time. Just get through this.

As the weeks went on and the scans went on all was looking amazing, and again there was talk of her being a big one, and again I was weary. I was just happy that all seemed to be ok.

Again as the 34 week mark approached I was anxious but felt more secure in my pregnancy as Eli's had gone so well. I did however start to have problems from 36 weeks. I swelled up and got the dreaded cankles, and those god awful headaches started again. Oh dear. I thought and began to panic a bit. After a couple of trips to triage over the following couple of weeks, I woke up one morning and thought oh no, she's not moving. I did the ice water trick and she wriggled a bit, Hope was a very active baby in the bump so this was not good enough. I dropped Jacob to school and Eli to my sister and rang Ant to tell him I was going to the hospital.

Once I arrived and had a few tests it didn't take long for me to be diagnosed with pre eclampsia. It's a condition which presents as high blood pressure, swelling, headaches and protein in your urine, and I had it all. The nurse explained I'd be taken to induction and started off, so of course I knew what was coming next..... Or did I?

They came round and explained what was going to happen and then popped in the pessary. They told me to give it half hour then get up and get moving. Half hour later I got up and we walked to go get some food, after which I said to Ant "don't laugh but I'm having contractions" he saw this as a bonus and was practically rubbing his hands. We went back to my cubicle and I bounced on the ball, did some squats & walked the length and breadth of the ward and things were progressing fast, pain wise. The midwife noticed I was in some pain so she said ill come to you in the next hour. By this time it was late so I said to Ant, "go home, ill call you when things really start" I was coping well with the contractions but they were coming thick and fast. After Ant left things went from good to bad, quickly. The contractions sped up drastically so the midwife tried to examine me, to her amazement she said she couldn't find my cervix, even in my pain I can't help but crack a joke and I came out with "I've definitely got one love, dig a little deeper" she got to other people to try before getting an obstetrician to try. He wasn't happy with the speed of my contractions to they put me on a drip to try to make them stop, or at least slow down. They offered me gas and air for the examination for which I practically ripped their arm off. Again same thing he couldn't find it. Then the trace went off on one and my blood pressure plummeted. The obstetrician then said we've got to get baby out now. He said I literally had to get my husband there now.

By this point I was delirious. So I don't really remember the phone call all I remember was saying "get here now" when the nurse came round what felt like moments later I cried because I just wanted Ant and then standing behind her there he was. I couldn't have loved him more. They took us down and Ant got scrubbed up. The spinal block took an age to get in because of previous damage but once it did I felt like heaven. They brought Ant back in and began opening me up. I was so excited to meet her, when I looked at Antony and he broke down. Seems no one had explained to him what was happening in the haste of things and the poor thing was terrified. After nearly setting the whole of the staff off crying it was explained that we were ok and then she was out!

At 3.05 on Friday 10th of May, Hope was born, weighing 7lb 14oz, 2 weeks early!

She didn't cry as she was shocked but when they handed her to Ant it was the most  amazing thing to have her there, when Jacob was born he was taken away so quickly it was heart breaking. I just couldn't wait to get my hands on her.

When I got her on my chest she naturally fed straight away. She just felt like I had always had her. I thought that's it my family is complete. I was ridiculously happy.

We had to spend a couple of days is hospital as I had had a section but getting her home it just felt so natural, and she really has just slotted in. Can't imagine what it would be like without her now.

She's a really sweet little baby girl. She laughs and smiles a lot and she is just so effortless. The boys absolutely adore her and I'm so glad she has them to look after her. I love her to smithereens!

My little pink princess has completed my family and proved to me no matter what there is always Hope.

H xxx

Eli - Long Post

They say there are angels on earth, I know this to be true because I happen to live with one. My son Eli.

As explained earlier, my first foray into parenthood was a less than an easy transition. But after many discussions and let's be honest tears, we decided we did not want Jacob to be an only child. We had always wanted a big family, and with Jacob fast approaching 2 and most of his surgery behind us we decided now was a good time to started trying for our second child.

As before we tried and waited and were disappointed on the months when it didn't happen. I kind of tried to push it to the back of my mind so as not to stress myself out.

Jacob contracted a nasty stomach bug and with his immune system being compromised he ended up in hospital. We stayed in overnight after he was given anti sickness meds and fluids through a drip. Once we were home I became ill I was quite sick and booked an appointment to get some anti sickness tabs from the doctors, it wasn't until Antony said "you better tell the doc were trying for a baby, because you might not be able to have them" that I realised, hang on I'm late.....

I grabbed a test out of the cupboard and did it and popped it on the side. While washing my hands I couldn't help but look and right there before my eyes those 2 lines were shining out at me. Yes, I thought. I'm pregnant.

I rang Antony straight away and told him we were pregnant, he was over the moon. These things aren't so straight forward for us so we decided to wait before telling people, other than our parents. We did have a quite frank discussion that if there were any health issues with this little one that we would stop there. No more kids. I was petrified if I am totally honest. Please let all be ok.

After confirmation at the doctors it was decided I would be put under consultant care for obviously what had happened with Jacob and for another not so pleasant reason. My weight. I had rocketed up to a very unhealthy 15 stone. This was very unwelcome news and on my 5 ft 3 frame quite scary. I tried to concentrate on the positives, but I was scared. As for morning sickness the first 18 weeks I felt so ill that eating was a real chore. I lived on bread and rice and found no comfort in anything food wise. Though I felt very sick I vomited probably only 3 times. This was good. As for the eating, I was panicked that I wasn't getting enough for my baby.

I was sent for a scan at around 9 weeks just to check the viability of my pregnancy. I love how they talk about it like its a bank transaction or something. Well when we arrived I was literally shaking when the probe touched my stomach, but there it was the strong flickering heart beat we had prayed for. I was given the due date of 24th April 2011, Easter Sunday and I was asked to return at 12 weeks for the normal checks and another scan. Everything was great on that too. But when I got into the check up room, they did my blood pressure, and urine all fab. Then I got on the scales..... The nurse said "has someone spoken to you about your weight" so I replied "yes, I have got the info and I'm trying hard, but to be honest I can't eat very much" she responded wide eyed, "your booking weight was 15 stone right?" I nodded, she then said "what have you been doing because you weigh 12 stone 7lbs" I was so shocked I had to sit down. I explained how ill I'd felt but I said other than that I felt really well. She said I was very lucky and to just try to eat healthy.

This came very easy as to be honest I felt amazing. My nails grew, my hair and skin were amazing and unlike the grey tone I had with Jacob I had the elusive pregnancy glow!

I had unknown energy which I just attributed to not working anymore, but I did have a toddler to run around after! Things just seemed different.

At the 20 weeks scan I lay there nervous and excited as we were having a fetal echo, which is a detailed heart scan, to check that all was well there. This would be repeated at 28 weeks. They did all the checks, a little more thoroughly than last time and said all was good. They then asked if we'd like to know the sex.... Now anyone who knows me knows what I'm like. The morning of that scan I sent a message around to everyone saying "think penis" sounds funny but I really wanted another boy, in a way to prove I could do it. I was so cocky about this that I'd already bought blue things previous to this scan. People say "I don't care about what it is as longs as baby is healthy" which I agree with but that didn't work for me last time so I thought what the hell I'm putting it out there.....

So when she said "Congratulations you're having a boy." It just confirmed it for me. We decided to name him Eli Joseph Jude Sale. Eli means ascended, lifted up, and the way I felt he really did feel heaven sent.

I had to have more scans, checking all sorts and everytime it was, yes everything is great! The idea of him being big was being thrown around and I just ignored it as I'd heard that before with Jacob and they couldn't have been more wrong.

I was nervous approaching and passing the 34 week mark, but I was thriving. He made me feel so strong. I was getting very big but able to cope really well and as the due date loomed closer I was so excited setting things up for his birth. After discussions and weighing everything up we decided to go for a natural birth or a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).

I went past my due date and I was getting uncomfortable and after a couple trips to hosp and a few sweeps (ouch) at 2 days over I was sent in for induction.

The induction process is long, very blooming long. It took 12 hours and a lot of pain from when the pessary was put in for my waters to break on their own, I had already been in hosp 24 hours previous to this and given several sweeps. I had not slept and was exhausted, only 2 cms dilated I was advised to have an epidural, I was very happy at this. I needed to sleep, and I have always been of the opinion that no one gives you a medal for doing it without. I got what felt like an amazing nights sleep but as I hadn't pressed the button I awoke to the pains so the midwife decided to examine me.

This was uncomfortable as I could now feel everything. "good news you're fully dilated" I was over the moon, but my body was saying get this baby out and I felt an overwhelming need to push. They explained that I could only push for an hour because of my previous section. So with everyone armed to go we began the second stage of labour....

I pushed and I pushed and at the hour mark eyes were darting back and forth looking at monitors and each other, "Haylie, baby is getting a little distressed, were going to cut you so that we can get the ventouse suction cup in, you've had an epidural so you won't feel this" and before anyone had a chance to tell her that I hadn't used it for hours, she cut me. I heaved. It was a pain like no other. When I saw what they were intending to use on my baby I screamed NO! And pushed like my life depended on it, all of a sudden they told me to give a smaller push and he was out.

My eyes widened when I saw him, oh my god I thought. Thank you.

At 11.19 on Thursday 28th April 2011, Eli was born weighing 8lb 7oz and he was long at 58cms!

I always laugh that I had my smallest baby by section and my biggest naturally, but that's life and even though Eli was twice the size of Jacob I was just happy I had them both!

They tell me my labour was traumatic but I felt like a superhero. As they stitched me up (all 38 of them) and the lay him on my chest he stared into my eyes like he knew me like I could finally enjoy this.

That night I just stared at him I couldn't believe it. When the doctors came to check him over I was over the moon to find out I had a beautiful healthy boy. Antony brought Jacob up and having them both there was what made it all worth it, the worry the pain, everything.

Eli brought me comfort, realisation that I could do this,and above all hope. Hope to have more children and appropriately we went on to have a daughter named Hope.

I do believe he saved me. He was and is a pleasure to have and me and Antony often joke that he should have been called pleasure. Everything with him has been effortless. He just makes our life better and to see him with Jacob was heart warming at the least.

Born with a mop of beautiful hair he is now known for he is our cheeky little chap, who restored my faith and gave me Hope. I adore him and the love I have for him and Jacob is immeasurable, to the point where I could make it stretch to another one! Eli is now 2 and is little ball of energy. His smile melts my heart .

My Boy, My Angel. Eli.

H xxx