Silent Sunday 29.12.13

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Sainsbury's TU Clothing!

Every few weeks or so Sainsbury's does their usual 25% off event and I always have a mooch for the kiddies. I usually come away with a top here or there but with Hope rapidly growing out of her clothes we decided we'd concentrate on this for Christmas for her!

I have been getting bits and pieces from other places but I thought I'd take advantage of the money off and I love Sainsbury's clothes for the kids, great value and wash amazing! My local Sainsbury's hasn't got the biggest clothes range so I took a trip up to the new one at longbridge.

I was really pleased with the range and if they would have had more of the things I liked in her size I'd have cleared the place! Anyway this is what I got!

I loved these long sleeved vests! I love the funky patterns and they are perfect for putting under short sleeved dresses or tops to keep warm! 

These sleepsuits were an absolute bargain perfect for my little pink princess!

I have these in a smaller size for Hope, and I loved them so much that when I saw them in this size, at half price, they just had to be got!

This is one of my fave things, I love clashing patterns and this has made me very happy. So versatile and can be mixed and matched with so many different things!

I just love this! It's like business at the top and party at the bottom! Just so cute!

I saw this cardy before I even got to the. Clothes section, and I knew I had to have it. I love cardigans and this one is so cute!

So that's what I got and I think it's an amazing start! Can't wait to see her in it all!

Merry Christmas!

H xxx

Don't Compare!

I've took inspiration from a fellow blogger about getting things off my chest that annoy me. Perfect catharsis.

Recently I've had to have a word with myself. I have struggled for years with my appearance, no matter how much praise I have been given I cannot take a compliment and to be honest it's shocking. I have had to get some things into perspective.

I am a mother of THREE children. To which I have given birth to in the short space of 5 years (all totally planned and my choice), I should not compare myself or let myself be compared to girls who are quite frankly not in my position. I had to remind myself that pre kids, I was a good healthy size, and that I will get there again and I have already done so well.

I had a wake up call after Hope, my weight was at a high, not an all time high, I've been heavier, but it was bad. I made a decision to lose weight. Not a bit of weight. A lot of weight.

It was MY decision. I am doing This for me. My husband has never cared what I weighed. He loves me regardless and makes it perfectly clear to me that he finds me attractive no matter what. But I wanted to feel worthy of being on his arm. This upsets him greatly because he is so proud to be with me. But I can't help how I feel.

I think as women we could do with not putting ourselves and each other down so much. Were all different for many different reasons.

I say embrace it, love yourself and all your imperfections. Own them. But also own the things you love about yourself, if you think you have a great rack. Own it. You love your hair? Own it. You think your eyes were a gift from God himself. OWN IT.

It's yours, Own it.

H xxx

Ps I like big butts, and I cannot lie.

Kiddies Wishlist!

We've got a few things coming up and this is what I want/need for my kiddies!

Clothes.

1. Gingham shirt - Next - Eli

2. Multi coloured plum/navy shirt - Next - Jacob

3. Tartan dress & top set - Matalan - Hope

4. Waxed navy duffle coat - Zara - Jacob

5. Navy duffle coat - Junior J at Debenhams - Eli

6. Red Scotty dog dress - Asda - Hope

7. Navy polka dot party dress - Junior J at Debenhams - Hope

8. Powder blue denim look shirt - Next - Jacob

9. Burgundy smart shirt - Next - Eli

These are all things that the kids need really, we have a few parties and formal occasions coming up, and obviously the boys need new winter coats, I haven't seen anything I like for Hope's winter coat yet. As I recently bought a tartan dress for myself (thank you ASOS) I thought it only right that Hope has one too, I must say that's the lovely thing about having a girl! Because I constantly dress the lads like eachother and like their dad! 

 

We should be getting this stuff over the next couple of weeks, I love buying for my kiddies!

H xxx

Christmas: The Big Spend Part 1

I LOVE Christmas, you don't have to twist my arm to get me excited about it. I also love Christmas shopping it's one of my favorite things about this time of year. But lets be honest Christmas is expensive, we all want to get those perfect gifts for our loved ones and if like me you've got kids the bill goes through the roof!

So how do we cope? How do we make sure that were not living it up in December but groaning in January about credit cards, Catalogues and HP!?

Parks. That's how I do it. Every year I pay into a voucher scheme called Parks Love2Shop vouchers. This means that in October/November time I am given a big chunk of vouchers to spend in all the top highstreet stores, Including Debenhams, BHS, Argos to name a few. I find this better than saving the money into an account or anything because I know I'd spend it! This way it's locked in and there's know debts after Christmas to upset me!

It can be done through an agent ( mine is my mother in law) or all done online. Couldn't be simpler to get set up! So if you don't want a money headache in the new year, look at this scheme it's a no brainer!

How do you prepare for this expensive season?

H xxx

Why The Rush!?

People often ask me how I look so young and honestly I think it's mostly good genetics. Both of my paremts have aged very well. But I must say I think it's got something to do with the fact that I haven't been trowelling a ton of make up on to my face since I was 12.

Girls are in such a rush to be "grown up" that they don't realise that they are wishing their lives away. I often get shocked when I see young girls now, this may be my age playing a factor but, they never look their age. They often wear a lot (too much) make up, and clothes that are for want of a better word, provocative to say the least. What kind of message is this sending? I do completely understand there are girls that are very advanced in their physical development, but even in these cases it's shocking to see such young girls embracing it.

A very recent example of not looking your age, is Tamera Foster, one of the contestants of this year's X Factor. When I first saw her I thought "wow, she is beautiful" not once did I think about her age, I just presumed, she was in her mid 20s, because quite frankly I wouldnt put her a day under 25. She not only looks this age, but the way she carries herself and her general demeanor is one of a much older young lady. I was gobsmacked to hear that she is indeed just 16 years old. 

So on Sunday night whilst watching The Xtra Factor Matt Johnson (This Morning), whilst being asked his feelings on the show, his favourites etc, he made a comment regarding Tamera, he flippantly mentioned that she had a nice bum. To which one of the crew shouted "she's 16 mate" he was shocked, embarrassed and responded by dropping the F Bomb. Of course social media went crazy, and were criticising him for his comments about her. To this I say, she does NOT look her age. She's an incredibly attractive young woman and had she been older this comment wouldn't have been frowned upon. I think Matt's reaction, albeit inappropriate, was one of absolute shock. To which we can only say, hey he is human.

I do actually really feel for men, I'm sure it's very hard to distinguish between these young girls and actual potential partners on a night out.

I just think these girls should enjoy being young, while they are. Before they know it they will be in need of cover up for the total opposite reason.

H xxx

Shifting The Baby Weight.....

I always moaned about myself before I had kids, but truth be told I had a great body. I can say that now in hindsight because having kids has really changed me!

Me before the kids......

So now I have made it my mission to get back to my "pre kids weight" which means I'm trying to correct the 3 kids in 5 years damage. I love my kids and I'd do it all again for them but as I know we don't want anymore kids I am on a mission!

I started eating better and joined the gym, I go four times a week, I started in the beginning of August and have so far lost 30lb. Although I admit this is a lot of weight, I have a way to go before I get where I want to be. I have great support from my husband, family and friends.

 One friend in particular, Mandy has been a real support and an inspiration as she has done exactly what I'm trying to achieve. The days when I feel crap and can't be bothered she's there spurring me on, constantly telling me how proud she is! I couldn't have got this far this fast if it weren't for her. I am very thankful! 

I will keep you updated and check back in at another milestone, I am trying to do this in time for my 30th birthday in March, tis going to be tough but hopefully I'll get there!

Did you gain much weight during pregnancy? If so did you find it hard to shift?

H xxx

What's In A Name?

Have you ever wondered where your name comes from? Have you ever asked your parents why they named you that, or what you'd have been called had you been the opposite sex?

I am fascinated by names. As you know my name is Haylie, I asked my mother about her choice, I know I was named after the famous actress of the sixties Hayley Mills, and the spelling of it was because I have an older sister called Natalie and its cute that we match.

Haylie, or more commonly Hayley means Hay Meadow, and falls into the flower category of names. There were a lot of girls called Hayley when I was growing up so I was glad that I was a little different with the spelling. Now middle names, this is where we can have a good laugh. I have two middle names, the first of which is Susan, after my mother, which is lovely, and then we have Alvis. Yes Alvis. My middle name is Alvis. A lot of people jump straight to the conclusion that my parents may have been cruel enough to name me after a man, but no I was given the name from a long line of family members who were originally named after a car. How classy, this car how ever was like a Rolls-Royce come Aston Martin so I have no qualms there. As much as I hated this growing up, I love is now, can't say I've met anyone outside my family with it!

Choosing a name for your child is hard. I always pictured 3 little boys in my head and picked boys names accordingly. We did However pick girls names too, just in case. We also decided to give each of our children 2 middle names as we both have these.

Jacob was always going to be Jacob. It was a name that both I and Antony fell in love with very early on in our relationship. We love biblical names, especially boys names, as they are good strong names for boys to carry them into manhood. So when we found out we were having a boy we decided on Jacob Antony Terry. Jacob is a Hebrew name which means in Hebrew "to follow" referencing Jacobs birth in the bible, when he grabbed the heel of his twin brother Esau. Funny really as Jacob followed noone, he was our first. Antony after my husband, obviously, and Terry after my husbands grandfather, who passed away a few years previously. If Jacob would have been a girl his name would have been Esme. We loved this name as it was unusual and pretty. People were convinced I got both names from the Twilight Series but as my dear friend Louise can vouch after many failed attempts to get me to watch it, I had no idea about it. I will say since watching the films I do love them.

I don't know how you can be an Eli, but that's exactly right for my boy. No other name on this planet would be right. Again when we found out we were having a boy we decided on the name Eli Joseph Jude. Eli is another Hebrew name which means "ascend; my God." This really is a perfect name for my middle baby. Joseph is my fathers middle name, and Jude is just a boys name I really like, also referenced in the bible. Elis name is the most heavily biblical name of all 3 of my children. If Eli would have been a girl his name would have been Indi. I love this name. It more than likely would have been Indigo, but I think it would have been Indi as that's all is have called her. We were going to call Eli Elias, which I love, but as I knew all he'd be called was Eli I didn't see the point. Definitely was the right decision.

Now for little miss. To be honest, I never thought id have a girl. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I'd decided my little boy would be called Isaac Patrick Gray. My grandfather had recently passed away and his name was Patrick, I knew how happy this would make him, Gray was an affectionate term used for Ants grandad, Graham, or gramps as we call him. So can you imagine what I felt when I found out I was growing a pink one? Excitement, elation, delight to name a few. As mentioned in a previous post we had a tricky time just before we had our daughter so when we discussed names Hope seemed like the perfect choice. We named her Hope Natalie Kim. Hope as name is pretty self explanatory. She is my little bundle of Hope. The word popped up so much before we found out what we were having that when we were told she was a girl, Hope was the only choice. Natalie as explained before is my sisters name, and Kim is Antonys mothers name. My sister had already taken a lot of the family names so I kind of worked around her.

You don't realise the responsibility in picking a name until you have children of your own, makes you not be so hard on your parents for calling you Alvis.

What's the meaning of your name? How did you choose your child's name?

H xxx

Eli's Hair Part 2....

I did say I'd follow up on his hair when it was finished and basically here we have it. My baby boy all grown up....

As hard as it was he looks so cute, and he needed it. It's hard to accept your little ones growing up. He not a baby any more.

H xxx

Eli's Hair....

My son Eli is well know for his beautiful long curly locks of hair, but lately its been getting out of control!

For a while now we've been talking about having it cut and have had a few failed attempts (and screaming fits) at the hairdressers. Finally a friend of mine suggested that I try her mobile hair dresser and the plan was for her to come to mine. After clashing schedules it turned out that we would go to her, so off we went.

When we arrived I was not surprised that Eli was having none of it. We chased him, we tried to bribe him, and after nearly giving up my friend Claire just calmly picked him up walked over to the chair, sat down and put some game on her phone and we were good to go.

This hair dresser has a lot of experience with troublesome kids and just got down to work and cut a fair bit of his hair.
She gave me some of his curls as I almost cried watching his beautiful curls go.

I knew it was the right thing to do as it was annoying him and he gets mistaken for a girl a lot, which is not a problem now but he starts pre school in January and its not about him being teased.

Once we agreed on a manageable length she finished, in a view for us to go back another time and finish off, as we want it much shorter but didn't want to push our luck all at once. It really was very long.

I found this experience hard as Eli's hair is part of his personality and its hard when you realise your baby isn't a baby anymore. My little boy is growing up. We never had this with Jacob. Eli seemed to progress and grow so quickly that I think his hair for me was the last thing I could keep babyish.

I will do an update once its finished.

Did any of your children's milestones affect you more than you thought?

H xxx

Get A Life!

I have always thought it was very important for children to socialize, But each child is different. I've never been a mom who holes herself away from civilization, don't get me wrong I love a good staying in day! Duvets and dvds at the ready, or a total arts and crafts mash up, or just a day of books and toys, I like to mix it up. But I think its so important to get out there and get these kids seeing the world.

Just a trip to the shops or a walk to your local park (weather allowing) is such a good way of starting your child's learning journey.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a talker. I could win awards, but this really comes in handy with the kids. Walking around I have no issues constantly talking to my kids, for example "look Eli, fire engine! What noise does a fire engine make?" Then we giggle as we "nee naw" down the street. Is just so important to constantly be challenging them and helping them to absorb all that free learning we have out there!

If you had asked me when I had only Jacob I would have told you, I do not like baby groups & stay and plays. My experience of them was not good. As previously explained, Jacob was a poorly baby was quite a bit restricted in his development. So whenever I would go to these groups I would find them just a platform for women to compete their children against each other and I don't have that in me. I remember one woman telling me she would feel like a failure if she had a child like Jacob, I can't repeat what I said to her. But it was a shame because Jacob couldn't get the full extent of what these groups are trying to achieve, developmental tools for your children and socializing for you both.

Being a mom can be isolating especially if you're a stay at home mom, so it important to get yourself out there. So as hard as it was when Jacob was 2 and a half I took him off to a little pre school where he did 2 afternoons (4 hours a week) and it was just enough for him to gain social skills and for us both to get used to being apart before he started proper nursery.

I have had a totally different experience with Eli. As soon as I knew he wasn't poorly I got him involved in all sorts. Whilst Jacob was at his pre school sessions I would take Eli to baby massage classes, baby sensory, swimming and baby group. It was nice to not have the same criticisms that were given to Jacob but if I'm honest it just made me feel worse for him. Eli loves being around other kids and generally other people, so any chance I get, we get out. When Jacob was little I would take us on all sort of adventures and we go on the buses and the trains and just generally explore! Same with Eli and they're both very social little boys.

Since Jacob has been at school Eli has been attending Little Brigids, which is a stay and play at Jacobs school, St Brigids Catholic Primary School. It's a lovely mix of kids but its also a lovely mix of women so us moms can have a natter too. Run by 2 lovely women its a mixture of toys and crafts then we all clear away and have toast and juice for kiddies and us moms get tea and biscuits. It's such a good Idea and a couple of hours for the kids to run themselves ragged!

Obviously I have Hope now aswell and she has been welcomed by all the moms and I can't wait for her to be running around the place!

Stay and plays are a real good way of getting you and your children out and experiencing things. I know from experience they're not for everyone but I urge you to try. You won't believe what your little one will get from it!

Do you go to any groups? What has been your experience?

H xxx

Girls Who Like Boys.....

I grew up in a house with mostly women. After my parents split it was my mom, my sister, me and my little brother for a long time. So I guess it is no surprise that I wanted boys.

Living in a house then with my husband, me and 2 sons was a welcomed change to how I grew up, when I found I was having Hope I was excited to inject a bit of girly energy into our home.

I absolutely loved buying and finding nice things for my boys plus it helped when we had Eli that we had quite a bit of stuff left over from Jacob as he was very small and had a large amount of clothes that once he was big enough to wear it the season had changed. Though because I am a middle child and I knew Eli would be I made sure he was still bought plenty of new. I have always liked boys toys aswell as I find them a lot more adventurous as the majority of girls toys tend to focus on being a housewife and mother, which obviously I am but I want my little girl to explore all her options.... Don't get me wrong she'll have all that, but I will have so much fun looking for unusual things too!

Obviously having a girl I had to start from scratch, but you know what I love it. Just like the boys I can get totally carried away buying clothes and things for her, I think Christmas is going to be pure chaos with 3 children, there be no room to walk after Santa has been!

Here are some pics of some of Hopes things, old and new.

It's not all about pink for me but its kind of unavoidable with a girl! And I can't lie I have loved it!

So that's some of Hope's bits and pieces, I'll be doing a post about the boys soon... That is going to take some time! I have to admit I love having both sexes, its a nice blend and I can't help but think my family is perfectly complete now. So much love.

What's your family made up of? Are you an outnumbered mom or dad? Or a boat load of boys/girls? Or do you just have the one little prince/princess?

H xxx

P.S If you want to know where anything is from please let me know xx

Post Pregnancy ....

Now before anyone starts, do not get me wrong I am incredibly grateful to be a mother. I have never wanted anything more and feel blessed for every slight imperfection I have due to pregnancy I just wanted to document just how much things have changed for me since becoming a mom....

Weight....

I wasn't skinny before I had kids but I would describe myself as slim. I never went above 10 and half stone or above a size 12, I know this isn't slim to some people but quite frankly I don't concern myself with people like that. I had a flat stomach, a decent chest and a booty. Which I have always loved having. I moaned constantly about my weight which would fluctuate anything between 9 stone and 10 and a half. At my booking for Jacob I weighed 10 stone 8lb, and after having Hope I weighed an almighty 14 stone. So what happened? Pregnancy happened and that age old, well I'm pregnant, I want it so its fine. Actually its not fine. I never realised but your body only needs an extra 500 calories above the recommended daily allowance for a woman. That's depressing, don't get me wrong if you're chucking your guts up left right and centre and the only thing you can face is a jam doughnut, then I say go for it, but were all guilty of having a little extra when were expecting. Now you have some women who hardly gain a pound when pregnant and these are no shockers when they come trotting into the playground in their size 8s with a day old baby, then you have the absolute freaks of nature, the jammy gits who gain a shed load of weight during pregnancy, you have personally seen them consume the entire McDonald's menu, but as soon as that baby is out about a month after there is no visible evidence they were ever pregnant! And then there is me. I gain weight so easily. Especially when pregnant and my goodness does it take some work to get it off! After Jacob I lost a bit of it and then put it all (and then some) back on, saying no point as I'm going to have more kids... After Eli I lost a lot of weight then used the age old excuse "more babies", air quotes all over that one. Then there was Hope, in every sense of the word. She made a lot of decisions easy for me. One, that I was not going to have anymore children and two, I cannot remain this heavy. So once I had her and I had had all the relevant checks and all clears I decided it was time for a change. I am 30 in march and I wanted desperately to get back to my "pre kids weight" I also had a mini goal of getting at least 2 stone off to get into a dress I want to wear to a party in November. So I trotted off and joined weight watchers when Hope was about 11 weeks old and got my gym membership back up and running. Through sheer determination I am already close to that 2 stone mark and the dress not only fits but is big in places. Something is different this time. It's like a switch has flipped.

Stretchmarks
Beauties aren't they? Now if you're one of those lucky one that don't have any then I really don't wanna hear it! All joking aside stretchmarks have never bothered me, I had them before my kids so I gained a few extras when pregnant, they remind me daily what I have done and that I'm a mother to 3 gorgeous kids. I do know though that stretchmarks can really affect a woman's confidence, and no matter how I personally feel about them of never insult a woman who had issues with them by telling her she's being silly. We ALL have our hang ups.

Hair &Skin
I am lucky in the skin department, never really suffered with spots, get the odd belter deserving of its own post code but not regular spots. I do however have eczema and it is always worse during and just after pregnancy. The main thing being just how sore it gets. I get cracked and even bleeding palms and my scalp is often affected too. My Hair is thick and long naturally, and during pregnancy like most women I retain it and it is often thick and lustrous. After pregnancy is another case entirely. After Eli was born when he hit about 16 weeks my hair began to fall out, to the point where it halved in thickness, I'd get terrible knotty lugs and it was a nightmare to brush. It grew back leaving me with lots.of short hair which has grown a lot since. Now since having Hope, guess what? Bang on 16 weeks and it started again. I'm going through the same process now as back then except my hair is much longer this time.... Nightmare hair.

Time

What is that you say? Yes you are right. We don't have it anymore, but I don't want it, just another chance to get bored and I can safely say I am never bored anymore!

Feelings
I suffered post natal reactive depression after Jacob which I think was totally understandable but after Eli and Hope I have been left with an elated sense of achievement. I can look upon it all now, even the times with Jacob and feel so happy about everything that has happened. I'm mega proud of my family. Another type of feeling is the feeling sexy part, let's be honest girls, we all feel a bit rubbish sometimes, and I am no exception. I don't feel attractive a lot of the time and I think if it weren't for Ant constantly reassuring me, I wouldn't be feeling as good as I do. Speaking to friends about how their partners have made them feel about their bodies since they've had kids makes me realise how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me no matter what, and that's his most attractive quality. How ability to bring out the best in people.

Amongst all this there is the lack of sleep, the aches and pains from pregnancy injuries, lack of time for, well anything, and much much more. But you know what I still stand by my statement, we get far more from kids than they ever get from us. How ever soul destroying you look in those leggings, or whether your face looks like a dot to dot or you're so tired you feel like saying sod it and pulling the covers back over your head, just take a look at that face or faces as my case is, and none of it matters. At that moment you couldn't care less. That's unconditional love in its purest form, and if I could bottle and sell it, I'd be a billionaire....

Much Love

H xxx

P.S What post pregnancy hang ups do you have?

Liebster Awards 2013

Ok so I have been at this a few days now and was shocked to find I had been nominated for a Liebster Award by @meandmymunchie from her blog lifewithmunchers.com its basically a chance for new Bloggers to spread the word about their blog to all in the Blogging community. What a fantastic idea!

I have been given 11 questions to answer and in turn I will pick 11 Bloggers with less than 200 followers to then ask 11 questions of my own! Fabulous ay? Here goes...

1 – What is your blog about?

My blog is about me and my family, and day to day life and events that happen to us.

2 – Where do you like to do your blogging?

Honestly? In bed. Tis the only time I have when I can truly think.

3 – What is your favourite City you have visited and why?

Not really a city? But an island. Zante. The memories that place holds for me are some of my fondest. A lot of firsts went on there.

4 – What would be your ultimate blogging achievement?

Sorry for the Chris Maloney sized cheese here but I would love to make a difference in some way. I believe everything I have been through has made me who I am today but I do remember points of feeling completely overwhelmed and alone as though I was the only person who was experiencing it. If someone could feel better for knowing I'd been there, well that would mean everything to me.

5 – What are you passionate about in life?

My family first and foremost. My husband and kids trump everyone and everything. Their happiness is mine. I love to cook and I wish I had more time for it.

6 – Coffee or tea?

Coffee all the way. Though I love a cuppa at the Nans like.

7 – Favourite meal?

I love Mexican food, all of it. But my favourite meal will always be a Sunday dinner.

8 – Desert island disc?

Anything by Chris Brown. His voice is so melifluous. Team breezy baby. Wow, I'm nearly 30, but that is my official political stance on the matter.

9 – If you could be a celebrity, who would you be?

Beyonce. Without a doubt. For a number of reasons, amongst which are the money, the body, the talent and just to feel what its like to have that much energy.

10 – Favourite product of all time?

Ooh tough one. I would love to say anything by Soap & Glory, if I'm totally honest with myself whoever invented the Strawberry & Lily Kiss Comfort made my dreams come true in a bottle.

11 – What’s your biggest fear?

Spiders. Paralyzing fear.

right the fun part I'm going to nominate for the Liebster, I will tweet them as I'm not an efficient link maker yet ha x

Here are my questions....

1. What is your blog about?

2.What inspired you to start a blog?

3. What are your hobbies and interests?

4. What is your favourite band/musician?

5. What are the key values you'd like to instill in your children?

6. Coke or Pepsi?

7. Did you pick both sex names for your kid(s)? If so what would they have been called if they were the other?

8. Where is a place you haven't been but would love to?

9. If you could have been born in any other country, which would it be?

10. X Factor or Strictly?

11. If you won the Euro's what would be the first thing you would do?

Thanks for reading, its been fun x

H xxx

Miscarriage.... Let's Talk About It.

Touchy subject this one, but why? I have no idea. Having been through this myself I know its not something I like to talk about, but I have always found it strange how uncomfortable it makes other people feel if you do talk about it.

There a lot of misconceptions about miscarriage. These are usually, and I use that term loosely, by people who haven't been through it. There can be insensitivity and misunderstanding usually by the misinformed.

Miscarriage is incredibly common, with 1 in 7 women suffering a miscarriage in cases where they knew they were pregnant and many more when they weren't aware, According to NHS statistics. This is obviously not accounting for women who don't seek medical advice due to being in an early stage of pregnancy. So with these odds being so high, why is it such a sore subject?

Answer is, its awful. I would have to say personally its one of the worst things I have ever been through. Every time it happened I was constantly reminded by either tv story lines or seeing pregnant women in the supermarket. But I am one of the lucky ones, I have gone on to have children. There are a great deal of women that do not or it hasn't happened for yet and let's be honest we are all reminded of our biological clock.

I unfortunately have had 4 miscarriages. I was very young when I suffered my first miscarriage. I was a little bit further along than the norm and to be honest it was quite a traumatic experience, to the point where the details are hazy I think in avoidance of what actually happened. The next I was 21, me and ant were engaged, baby was not planned but we were happy regardless of the circumstances. I miscarried at 6 weeks. Next I fell pregnant when Jacob was 6 months old but didn't know until I was told by a doctor upon examination. I was miscarrying at the time this was discovered. It was probably the last one that I had before I caught for Hope that was the hardest emotionally.

We were trying for our third baby, we caught very quickly and as explained in a previous post (Hope's post) I knew something was wrong straight away. What really hurt is that we had planned and I honestly just thought all the miscarriages were behind me. I made a decision then that we would have one last go and if it happened again we would stop. After all we had 2 beautiful children and this was my 4th miscarriage. But I clung on to that Hope because my family didn't feel complete yet. In the end I got my beautiful baby. My princess. My Hope.

Miscarriage is an awful and devastating time for a family. The woman grieves in ways that are scarring and lifelong. But do people pay enough attention to the man when this happens? I don't think so. We all know what men are like. They feel like they need to protect what's theirs, I.e their family. Well this is one thing they cannot protect them from, and from speaking to a lot of men in that situation they feel like they have failed in some way. I think its important that as women, and their partners that we make sure they know we are as much there for them as they are for us. I know how hard this is amidst your own grief but remember that saying "a problem shared, is a problem halved" and its so true. The support you gain from eachother is priceless. It killed me to see Antony in that pain, but we dealt with it together.

There is a wealth of support out there for any one affected by miscarriage. For people going through it, for family members hoping to give support, for siblings affected by their parents grief. You are not alone. Talking about it is hard, but a great form of catharsis.

If you are affected by anything like this there are plenty of people to talk to.

The Miscarriage Association ( www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk )is a good place to start with support and information. They have useful information on all stages of miscarriage, support for you and your partner & family, and advice on things like trying again. There is also a the "forget me not meadow" which is a lovely way to leave a message regarding your loss.

There are lots of different people on social media providing support such as on Twitter, lovely couple of ones I have found for example are

@sayinggoodbyeUK

@thepinksnblues

Both accounts have touching personal and relatable stories. It is very true that there is strength in numbers, so the more people you have to support you, the better. Don't suffer alone. 

Please contact me if you want any further information. 

It's definitely one of the hardest things I have been through but I am so lucky I have my family now. 

H xxx