Touchy subject this one, but why? I have no idea. Having been through this myself I know its not something I like to talk about, but I have always found it strange how uncomfortable it makes other people feel if you do talk about it.
There a lot of misconceptions about miscarriage. These are usually, and I use that term loosely, by people who haven't been through it. There can be insensitivity and misunderstanding usually by the misinformed.
Miscarriage is incredibly common, with 1 in 7 women suffering a miscarriage in cases where they knew they were pregnant and many more when they weren't aware, According to NHS statistics. This is obviously not accounting for women who don't seek medical advice due to being in an early stage of pregnancy. So with these odds being so high, why is it such a sore subject?
Answer is, its awful. I would have to say personally its one of the worst things I have ever been through. Every time it happened I was constantly reminded by either tv story lines or seeing pregnant women in the supermarket. But I am one of the lucky ones, I have gone on to have children. There are a great deal of women that do not or it hasn't happened for yet and let's be honest we are all reminded of our biological clock.
I unfortunately have had 4 miscarriages. I was very young when I suffered my first miscarriage. I was a little bit further along than the norm and to be honest it was quite a traumatic experience, to the point where the details are hazy I think in avoidance of what actually happened. The next I was 21, me and ant were engaged, baby was not planned but we were happy regardless of the circumstances. I miscarried at 6 weeks. Next I fell pregnant when Jacob was 6 months old but didn't know until I was told by a doctor upon examination. I was miscarrying at the time this was discovered. It was probably the last one that I had before I caught for Hope that was the hardest emotionally.
We were trying for our third baby, we caught very quickly and as explained in a previous post (Hope's post) I knew something was wrong straight away. What really hurt is that we had planned and I honestly just thought all the miscarriages were behind me. I made a decision then that we would have one last go and if it happened again we would stop. After all we had 2 beautiful children and this was my 4th miscarriage. But I clung on to that Hope because my family didn't feel complete yet. In the end I got my beautiful baby. My princess. My Hope.
Miscarriage is an awful and devastating time for a family. The woman grieves in ways that are scarring and lifelong. But do people pay enough attention to the man when this happens? I don't think so. We all know what men are like. They feel like they need to protect what's theirs, I.e their family. Well this is one thing they cannot protect them from, and from speaking to a lot of men in that situation they feel like they have failed in some way. I think its important that as women, and their partners that we make sure they know we are as much there for them as they are for us. I know how hard this is amidst your own grief but remember that saying "a problem shared, is a problem halved" and its so true. The support you gain from eachother is priceless. It killed me to see Antony in that pain, but we dealt with it together.
There is a wealth of support out there for any one affected by miscarriage. For people going through it, for family members hoping to give support, for siblings affected by their parents grief. You are not alone. Talking about it is hard, but a great form of catharsis.
If you are affected by anything like this there are plenty of people to talk to.
The Miscarriage Association ( www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk )is a good place to start with support and information. They have useful information on all stages of miscarriage, support for you and your partner & family, and advice on things like trying again. There is also a the "forget me not meadow" which is a lovely way to leave a message regarding your loss.
There are lots of different people on social media providing support such as on Twitter, lovely couple of ones I have found for example are
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